August 7, 2001: Round 5 Begins, the end is near

Vol. 10.1

Hi friends.

As I write I'm in lovely Paoli Memorial Hospital awaiting the results of the preliminary blood tests that will allow the nurses to begin my final round of VAD chemotherapy. I suspect that within the hour I'll have that glowing, tang-colored poison pumping into my veins, and we'll be on our way toward the next step on this journey.

I'm praying, along with many of you, that this round of treatment will be as good as the last one was. The last three weeks have been, without question, an entirely different experience than the first three treatments. From the first day home through today I've had more energy, a better appetite and fewer complications or side-effects. I've even gained a bit of weight back. In fact, i felt so good during this treatment that I took a 48 hour trip to Georgia to see many of my good friends at Habitat for Humanity last week, and then finished the week with a visit in Philly from Bob Holmes and Chris Das, two of my oldest and dearest friends from Canada. Sandwiched around those events were a bunch of days filled with errands, a bit of home decorating, a good meeting with my colleagues at Eastern College about my upcoming new role there, a fair amount of reading and lots of exercising. In fact, I've been averaging a couple miles a day of walking, and can honestly say that I feel as well as I've felt since long before I was diagnosed.

Of course, the wierd part is that my feeling good or feeling bad in the past few months has little to do with what's actually wrong with me--most of what's been going on has been a response to the "cure" of chemo. It's what made me sick in earlier rounds, and it's what I didn't react to this past time. That being said, I've not had any substantial "cancer pain" (in my hip and leg) in a couple of months--all signs that the chemo and accompanying drugs are working. I've cut way back on my pain medications for this reason, and am just taking a few percoset a day for the small amount of remaining pain--really it's more an annoyance than real, persistant pain. For this, along with many other things lately, I'm very, very thankful.

There's been another side to this month of feeling well that is not surprising, but from which I'm trying to learn. When I was overwhelmingly fatigued in past rounds, I found it not only necessary, but easy, to spend time in quiet contemplation, prayer and reading. With this sudden and unexpected energy, however, I found that side of life less urgent and more difficult to make part of my day--even with the extra time I've had being on "leave." I guess that's not surprising, but it's another reminder that the important things, especially relationships--and especially relationships with invisible and oft-times elusive Creators--take time and effort. He remains faithful and comforting and kind even as I flit about--but there is some work to do. The Book of Common Prayer remains at my side.

Anyway, that's that. I'll drop off another note later in the week and let you know how things are going.

love,

Dwight

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